50+ Cheesy Nurse Pickup Lines

How many cheesy nurse pickup lines are there? Do any of them actually work? Have you ever heard of any of these? And finally, have you ever USED any of these?

Maybe it’s for a date, or perhaps you need to entertain your co-workers and friends, but good nurse pickup lines are hard to find. Believe it or not, the best way to impress a potential date is to make them laugh. Now there are pickup lines that may be funny, and there are some that may be a little scandalous. We never mean to offend with anything we publish. If you are sensitive to innuendo or are easily offended, this post may not be for you.

50+ Cheesy Nurse Pickup Lines

Many employers have rules in place for dating patients. For this reason, don’t be surprised if a nurse turns down your request for a date.

But you could also be one of the lucky few to marry a nurse that cared for you.

Many remember the horrible Boston Marathon bombing. What many may not know is that one of those involved in the bombing went on to marry one of the nurses who helped care for him.

On Saturday, James Costello, who was seriously injured in the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings, married Krista D’Agostino –- the nurse who helped him through his recovery, according to a statement released by the Hyatt Regency Boston.

So there is no better way to show that special nurse in your life that you are interested while poking fun at yourself at the same time. Some of these nurse pick up lines are so funny they could even pass for nurse jokes.

10 Cheesy Nurse Pickup Lines

The cheesiest nurse pickup lines

Anatomy and Physiology Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. I’m not an organ donor but I’d give you my heart anytime.
  2. We should study some anatomy together.
  3. Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
  4. Stop being so sweet! I might get diabetes!
  5. Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  6. You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
  7. I am hemophilic for you, because you paint my town red!

Cardiac Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. I don’t think I’m fine, my heart just skipped a beat because of you.
  2. I wish I were your coronary artery, so I can be wrapped around your heart.
  3. As someone as good as you at listening to hearts, you certainly aren’t listening to yours to go out with me.
  4. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you.
  5. Can you check my heartbeat? I think it’s beating too fast because of you.
  6. Did you hear that? Even my heart murmurs “I Love You!”
  7. I’m no organ donor, but I’d happy to give you my heart.
  8. You get my heart racing like an epinephrine drip.
  9. Is that a stethoscope around your neck, because I think my heart just skipped a beat.
  10. Are you a cardiac nurse, but I need someone to take care of my heart.

Respiratory Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. Emphysema puffs pink, chronic bronchitis makes you blue, but no COPD makes me as breathless as you.
  2. Do you have an inhaler? Because you took my breath away.
  3. Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.
  4. You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.

CPR and Emergency Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. I can do rapid clothing removal so fast that you’d be amazed.
  2. Can you show me how to do mouth-to-mouth, on me?
  3. Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.
  4. You’re like a car accident, I just can’t look away.

Neuro Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. You make my dopamine levels all silly.
  2. Is it just my olfactory or you just really smell good.
  3. Are you Broca’s Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless.
  4. You must be the cure for Alzheimer’s, because you’re unforgettable.
  5. I think I’m developing tics. I just can’t help but wink at you.
  6. Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? Because you’re making me drool.

Gross Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
  2. What do your beautify and the c diff smell have in common? They are both undeniable.

Sweet Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. I’m diagnosing you to see if you’d make a good boyfriend.
  2. You’re in the wrong profession. You shouldn’t be a nurse. You should be my husband.
  3. I think I need some Vitamin ‘U’!
  4. I’m a little low on oxygen because you just took my breath away.
  5. You take care of me so well, I’m sure you will be a good dad to our kids.
  6. It’s better for you if I switch nurses, because it’s not moral to date me while I’m still your patient.
  7. Did we go to school together? I swear I could see us having chemistry.
  8. I don’t know if I want to get better if it means never seeing you again.
  9. Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.
  10. I need medical attention! I hurt myself pretty bad falling for you.
  11. Hey, don’t stress about pharmacology. Love is the only drug we’ll need.

Wierd Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. It’s so nice that you smell so good in a place so depressing.
  2. I’m scared to have one apple a day because I don’t want you to go away.
  3. Can you be my proximal because I don’t want to be distal to you.
  4. Look, I’m dying here! I need a life! Please lower your standards and go out with me if you want me to survive.
  5. Am I dead? Surely I must be because I see an angel!

Douchey Nurse Pickup Lines

  1. I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me.
  2. You’re burning me because you’re too hot.
  3. I don’t feel off anymore every time I see you because you turn me right on.
  4. I think you should take the temperature instead of me, because you’re looking very hot.
  5. I’ve heard the only way to feel safe at night is to sleep with a nurse.
  6. Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.
  7. Hey I don’t know what you think of me but I hope it’s X-rated.
  8. If you need to study anatomy, I can help with the bones.

Pickup Lines for Anyone

  1. On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
  2. Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here.
  3. I’m a doctor and I have just diagnosed you with a-cute smile.
  4. We should get some coffee… Because I’m liking you a latte.

What is an original nurse pickup line you’ve heard?

Want more Nurse Humor?

Some Nuse Pickup lines have been curated from NurseBuff.com and pandagossips.com.

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