Nursing is such an exhausting job. I think nurses have to have the best sense of humor of all of us because they put up with so much! We’ve done funny nurse memes, nursing school memes, and even nurses week memes. Now I put together a list of more than 25 hilarious nurse jokes and puns. Share this list with your nurse friends and make their day happier.
25+ Funny Nurse Jokes & Puns
Are you ready for some belly laughs? Here comes the nursing humor!
How many nurses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just get a nursing student to do it.
Sorry nursing students, you know how it is!
Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
In case they have to draw blood.
I had to throw in a blonde joke or two! This was punny!
How do you know the dead body by the side of the road is a nurse?
Because the stomach is empty, the bladder is full, and the rear is chewed.
Being a nurse is such hard work – no time to eat or even pee.
Doctor to a blonde nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?”
Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?”
Yes, another blonde joke. Where did the temperature go? Did you take it?
Nurse to doctor, “There’s a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.”
Doctor, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
I bet so many doctors wish they could actually say this sometimes.
What do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?
Many non-nurses probably won’t get this one…
Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?”
Nurse, “No change.”
I seriously wonder how many nurses have used this pun before!
Statistically 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.
Ok this joke still has me giggling. It’s such a good pun!
PMS joke are not funny. Period.
Text that to your nurse friends…I bet they roll their eyes.
Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?
He’s all right now.
Yeah…that’s a bad joke…I know.
I once heard a joke about amnesia but I forget how it goes.
Get it? I forgot how it goes? You laughed, admit it!
What is the opposite of you’re out?
Oh the bodily fluids nurses deal with!
Sign on the lawn at a rehab center…. Keep off the grass.
Ok, not exactly a nurse joke, but there are nurses at rehab centers. So it fits.
I don’t find medical puns funny anymore since I developed an irony deficiency.
Don’t read that too fast! Iron…irony…get it?
Patient to nurse, “Will I be able to play the guitar after this operation?”
Nurse, “Yes, of course.”
Patient “That’s great because I couldn’t before.”
This got an eye roll from me, but it’s still funny.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk quietly past the medicine cabinet?
So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
This joke reminds me of jokes I told in grade school. Awww, cute little sleeping pills!
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
This is more “oh that would seriously suck” than “oh that’s so funny!”
I have some good news and some bad news. Don’t worry I’ll give the good news to your widow.
Umm….yikes! That’s some seriously bad news.
Patient to nurse, “I feel run down.”
Nurse, “ What makes you say that?”
Patient, “The tire marks across my legs.”
I bet so many nurses feel run down every single day. And that’s without tire marks!
You should always be kind to nurses. Remember they choose your catheter size.
Nurses have ALL THE POWER! Be kind. Share this joke with all your nurse friends.
I can’t tell you that.
And all the nurses say: SAME!
All bleeding stops. Eventually.
Yeah, that’s morbid. But it’s true, isn’t it?
Nurse’s prescription. 8 oz ETOH q4h PRN
(That’s 8 ounces of alcohol every 4 hours as needed to a nurse)
I wonder how many nurses or nursing students understood that prescription without reading the explaination.
Where do boats go when they are sick?
To the dock.
This was more of a doctor joke than a nursing one, but still punny.
What is the proper way to use a stress ball?
Throw it at the last person who made you mad.
I wouldn’t suggest it, but hey, it works!
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, “You have a cute baby.”
The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents.”
“No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”
The husband again asked “So what do you say to the others?”
The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”
Ha! That’s such a good response!
When I went to get my vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time.
I told them to give it their best shot.
What a vote of confidence. This pun still made me giggle though.
Why did the nurse go to art school?
So they could learn to draw blood.
If only drawing blood was that easy.
There you have it! Share these jokes with your friend and spread some happiness today! Make a nurse laugh at a few of these humorous puns. I bet it makes their day just a bit better.