Halloween Makes me Miss my Mother

IMG_1773I suppose this is the best example of the quirky relationship I had with my mother, but I can’t help but think of how she would have enjoyed today with Ty. I remember being small and she also spent so much time on my Halloween costumes. From a homemade spider costume, witch, Aunt Jemima, ballerina, pumpkin heads (hand carved, from actual pumpkins!), she always excelled at Halloween. It was an opportunity for her to make something and parade me and her art around. She was so proud to show what she had accomplished and it she really did do it well.

As I sit here and assess the day I am thinking of holidays past. Its unfortunately, but I can think of many poor, unhappy memories and trivial arguments at Christmas and Thanksgiving. So much stress is placed on trivial things during these holidays. We often loose focus on the important aspects of these times.

But Halloween is different.

I cant think of one negative memory of Halloween. In fact, I have really great memories of Halloween and my mother. It has always been an inexpensive, stressless, fun, memorable time for us. There is something about dressing up, in a homemade costume of course, and being rewarded for your efforts with “treats” has to be exciting for a parent, especially when your greatest accomplishment in life is your child.IMG_0351

I feel so conceited saying something like that, but she told me often, in her own way, that she felt this way about me. I have to say, I feel the same way about my child. How wonderful it is going to be to share my ‘creation’,  my child and have others appreciate him, if even briefly, for his laughter, golden curls, and ability to make the darkness night turn to day.

I am such a sap. Sitting here blubbering because my mother can’t participate in Halloween seems so ludicrous to me, but I think its so much more pronounced because my father has no desire to. Ty will only be young once. We cannot relive these moments and I wish for a moment he could see past the blinders of women and dating to see he is missing important opportunities with his family.  But, sadly, according to him, all I am doing to attempting to manipulate him and am selfish for even insinuating that he should maybe try to spend some time with his one and only grandchild.

His one grandchild. A grandchild that is continuing his legacy, with HIS last name. Why? because my husband respected my father and me so much that he choose to take my last name when we got married. Days like today make me wonder if he really knows what that means for a man to do something like that. Surely he would have never done it for my mother, but my husband loved me, and respected him so much that he choose to do so. IMG_0654

I love my son and husband and appreciate them so much. I sure wish my daddy when get his ass off his shoulders an think about the things in this life that are worth while. Think about the things that last. Think about how maybe, just maybe, I’m not trying to manipulate him or be selfish. Maybe I need to see him, maybe I need to see him be with Ty. I miss him too, and technically he is still here.

I wish he would, for today, think about Ty.


  1. The Nerdy Nurse says

    I always find it interesting the dynamics people share with their parents.

    Dad is still being a huge butt-head. Apparently he is now out to make himself happy, which apparently means disregarding the wants or needs of others. Maybe I am being happy, but it does bother me that he seems to never remember anthing good about her. I mean they were married for 22 years and she died. It seems like he would have the respect to say something nice a time or two. Its not like they are divorced and she is living in another state… shes dead.

    I wish he realized that.

    For now he is too busy trying to impress so new lady, and disregarding me and his grandson. Its ok. Midlife crisis must happen, I am glad that Ty is too young to remember it now. But I really hope he realizes how his choices are effecting our relationship.

    Am I being selfish? Maybe… but other than my husband and son, my dad is really all I have. And its seems pretty far fetched for him to just expect me to forget that for a very long time it has been about just me and mine.

    Being an adult sucks sometimes.

  2. Nicki says

    Halloween makes me miss my mom too but for different reasons. She died on Oct. 29th. On halloween, she helped me with my costumes on occasion and by that, I mean that she would say, "I don't know, Nicki, be a hooker again. What the hell do you want from me?" Ahhh…good times!

    I think it is awesome that your hubbie took your name. My hubbie told me he would take mine if that was an option. Then he found out it IS an option and he changed his mind. Brat.

    I feel sorry for your dad for missing out just as my dad missed out on most of my childhood and ever meeting his grandchildren. All we can do is pray for them!

    Have a wonderful halloween! Pass out candy with a pumpkin on your head for old times sake!

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